The seeds for Kinfolx, the transgender femme-leaning fashion label that I’m creating, were planted early in my transition. Across that time I’ve been thinking a lot about it, digging into the idea, and deliberating on a whole bunch of stuff around identity politics, femininity, and more.
Probably about a year in, a friend suggested I read All About Yves. I found myself nodding vociferously to so many things in the book—even though it is grounded in their trans-masc non-binary experience, so much felt more ‘universal.’ Certainly I’d had similar experiences and feelings and thoughts along my own journey. I was so appreciative that I had a resource I could recommend to friends who were seeking to better understand my transition experience.
Over the weekend I came across an article by Shon Faye in Dazed: Wearing dresses when you’re trans is about survival not sass. It’s an article that I found myself wishing I’d written! In a short space, it articulately expresses so much of not only my experience, but where I’ve landed on some of the more contentious topics that arise when navigating life in this space.
The article is a response and reflection on Hari Nef’s TEDx talk, #FreeTheFemme: The aesthetics of survival:
Faye’s article, and Nef’s talk, have now both been added to my list of resources when people ask for pointers about the trans experience, and for folx trying to understand some of the challenges trans-femme people face.
Is femme expression a bad thing?
In the article, Faye writes:
[Challenging the idea] That people believe my trans identity is to do with what clothes I like is exhausting and untrue. Interestingly, when I have a day where I am wearing no makeup or haven’t shaved meticulously these same people are often the first in line to tell me I look like a man.
As I’ve been preparing my brief and backgrounders for the design of Kinfolx’s first range, this theme comes up over and again. The clothing label that I am building is pointedly focused on creating clothes that support a feminine gender expression.
I’m often finding myself questioning if that’s even something I can say… partly because I respect and appreciate that feminine expression is just one part of the spectrum of trans expression. But also because of the sort of push-back that is noted in Faye’s article and Nef’s talk.
There is clearly validity in a perspective that challenges the dominant patriarchially-led ideas and preconceptions of feminine expression.
Or is it about safety?
The key word of “safety” has come up a lot for me in developing Kinfolx’s values and objectives. I have noted that going ‘stealth’ or being ‘passing’ is a key goal for some trans women because of their fear of physical violence, for example.
Faye notes:
Enter Hari Nef, who dispenses with this absurdity entirely by arguing that feminine aesthetics for trans women are not about identity, or even about political statement—they are, as she says, ‘aesthetics of survival’. Nef points out—with searing honesty about her own physical transition—that femininity is often the only means by which a trans woman can be readily interpreted as the woman she is.
The last point there is where I was coming from in my previous post, Speaking without words, when I talked about entering a room and being ‘read’ as a women. Our clothing choices play a very important role in that process, shall we call it ‘projection,’ and subsequently being ‘read,’ in a certain way.
Have you ever had to balance personal safety with authentic expression, through your style choices? What did that look like? How do you feel about that? What resources or communities have helped you develop your personal style in a way that feels both safe and true to yourself?
Literally, and figuratively, there’s no ‘one size fits all’
Of course, this is not what everyone in the trans community is aiming for. Some will actively challenge these ideas and ideals, and I support (and in so many ways agree with) this tact. Much respect to Alok in this regard—they are such a wonderful proponent of this perspective.
And this is something that I, personally, wrestle with in my day-to-day clothing choices. In one of my briefing documents, I have written:
At one end of the spectrum, there are folx wanting to be ‘stealth’ and ‘passing’ (i.e. not being noticed or identifiable as trans).
At the other end, there are those that are ‘out and proud’, flamboyant and visible. Celebrating and deliberately drawing attention to their trans-ness.
And others still want to be noticed for their personal style—you look great!—but their trans identity is not the focal point.
On a personal level, I find myself vacillating between the two ends of the continuum.
Some days I aspire to be that more flamboyant and ‘out there’ person, embracing her trans-ness, and delighting in being noticed.
Given that I’ve done the ‘hard work’ of socially transitioning, I feel that I’m somehow letting myself down if I don’t go the whole way and express that part of me that is vibrant and creative and distinctive.
Yet on other days, I just don’t want to stand out too much. I just want to be.
I don’t want my clothes to be too loud. I don’t want my trans-ness to be a defining factor of how I’m seen. I just want to ‘blend in.’ To be one of the girls. To be ‘normal.’ Unexceptional.
What do you think about the spectrum or continuum I’m attempting to describe? Do you feel that too? If so, where do you find yourself on this spectrum—stealth, visibly proud, or somewhere in between—and how has this changed over time?
The challenge of blending in…
I was recently chatting to my partner about the fact that ‘what testosterone giveth, cannot be taken away.’ I’m a late bloomer, and testosterone has done a lot to shape my physiology. Faye touches on this too:
…without expensive laser hair treatments and months of vocal training, trans women cannot blend in as quickly as trans men who take testosterone—whose voices lower while their beards grow. I have several trans male friends who have had to tell me they’re trans—I simply wouldn’t know otherwise. With trans women this is less common.
For those of us that do want to ‘pass’ or go ‘stealth’ as a woman, this often requires applying to ‘tools of femininity’—that is, makeup, hair, heels, dresses, etc…—that have been eschewed by many women, alongside the progression of feminist principles over the years.
In my self-reflections, I’ve also noted the fact that, as a mature-age transition, I felt a strong expectation that I turn up in the world as a fully-formed woman. That you know what ‘dressing your age’ means. Or that you would even want to!
Many of my friends—and allies—have commented to me after they met me for the first time post-social transition, that they were relieved with how I presented. The sub-text that I heard in these comments is that they were afraid that my makeup and clothes would be conspicuous or ‘over the top,’ or that I need to be careful to ‘dress or wear makeup to match my age’ (yes, people have expressed these concerns directly to me).
The documentary Disclosure examines media-driven stereotypes about trans people. And the success of shows like RuPaul’s Drag Race have imprinted in the popular (sub)consciousness an idea of ‘trans-ness’ that simply doesn’t match what many trans-femme women, like myself, want or feel.
As an example, before my social transition, I sought out lessons in makeup. One of my goals was to achieve a ‘natural, everyday look.’ I’ve tried to find clothes that ‘fit in,’ based on a conscious analysis of what the women around me in my workplace, and in my personal life, do. For so many of us, an ‘all natural’ look—no makeup, more casual unisex clothes—is just not safe. For our own psyche at a minimum (to combat dysphoria), if not in a social or physical safety sense.
Supporting choice and expression
Kinfolx is working to support trans women who are looking to express themselves in a feminine way. With clothing as the ‘tool,’ there is a strong socio-political objective underpinning our work, even if this might be misperceived or challenged in the ways the Nef and Faye highlight.
I hope that our work is viewed positively in light of the safety concerns and identity affirmation that feminine presentation provides some trans women.
In their article, Faye closes with:
Next time you hear something critical about trans women’s choice of clothing – be a sister…
Or as Nef says in the closing to her talk:
Chill out… Let us live… #FreeTheFemme
Amen to that…